This gig ain’t for the faint of heart…

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Hi. I’m a mom to 3 boys. One is a sweet, precious, snuggly hours-away-from-being-a-6-month-old and pretty much, eats, sleeps and poops. He loves to wave and giggles up a storm. The second is a very adorable, very curious toddler. The eldest is a tender-hearted, very creative soul who stole my heart almost 4 years ago.

Some back story:

Keaton (the creative one) has a “cat”. No, we do not own pets. Mommy isn’t really a ‘fan’ of pets. I used to want a dog. Three children has me re-thinking this. I’d rather a dozen children than an animal at this point. This weekend, Keaton ‘got’ a “dog” too. I knew about the “cat” – it’s been around for awhile now. I learned about the “dog” last night at dinner. I don’t approve of either, but who am I to stifle the creativity and imagination of that red-headed blue-eye love of mine? I just ask for no cat noises around me – it’s like nails on a chalkboard.

So we have a “cat.” And a “dog.”

Keaton also has had a wheezy cough the past couple of days (he was diagnosed with asthma at 18 (or so) months so we own a nebulizer and a prescription for Albuterol and have instructions to do breathing treatments as we feel necessary). At nap time, I finally caved and called our pediatrician to make an appt., but she had nothing til Monday. The nurse said to do the nebulizer/breathing treatments and bring him with Caedmon on Monday. I was going to wait on that first treatment, but decided, the sooner the better.

SO…

I find the nebulizer and medication for it and I’m walking into Keaton’s room to set it up. I step in a wet spot on his floor (Keaton has been day/night potty trained for almost a year, with no accidents in just about as long). I screamed, “KEATON! What is this?!” Those amazing blue eyes looked up at me, he sighed and grumbled. “My cat…he peed on the floor…so the dog did it too…”

I had to leave the room.

I texted Zach, laughing so hard, “THAT STUPID CAT!!!!” I proceeded to tell him that Keaton was pouring his sippy cup on the floor and calling it cat/dog pee.

He told me to tell Keaton if the “cat” ‘peed’ again, we’d have to get rid of it. (I love my brilliant husband!)

I was looking for the “mask” for his nebulizer and Benjamin starts calling for me – freaking out…”MOMMY!!! MOMMMMMMY” I yell to him that I have to help Keaton right now and to please wait.

I find the nebulizer mask and get Keaton’s breathing treatment all set up. I tell him the rule, “If the “cat” or “dog” pees again – we’ll get rid of…” He responds with tears, “On the porch and someone will come get it?” ((You know you Freecycle too much when…HA)) “Yes, it will be gone forever…” By this point, massive screaming – at least he can suck down the Albuterol better, right?

Meanwhile, B is still screaming for me.

Keaton wants me to hold his mask. I walk around his chair to better be able to hold it.

I step in another wet spot and growl at the “cat”.

“MOMMMMY MY HAND!!!!!!” I hear from the other room.

“Keaton, you HAVE to hold this mask. You usually do, please be a big boy and do it for mommy. Please.”

I run into B’s room (another wet spot by the door – I glared at Keaton…”That one was just the dog” I hear through the muffle of the mask…I can only laugh).

In Benjamin’s sweet voice I hear, “Mommy, muh han dis bwown…” (translation: “My hand is brown”)

“BENJAMIN! DID YOU POOP AND STICK YOUR HAND IN YOUR DIAPER?!?!?!”

The sweetest face in the world looks up at me, grinning ear to ear, so proud of what he has done… until he sees smoke coming out my ears. “It hurt my bottom…I wanted to help get it out…”

oh. my. word.

I carry B to the bathroom (gimping/hobbling, because I busted my toe on Tuesday)

I run back to check on Keaton…he’s doing great, thumbs up, little buddy…

Now, Mr. Poop-Hands.

HOW do I take care of this.

Normally I’d be able to figure it out…but, I haven’t slept in 3 nights…I’m worried about my wheezing kiddo…all the screaming is bound to wake up Caedmon…

I grab a towel and wipe off as much as I can.

I use half a bottle of soap to wash.

A clean towel to dry…

Go turn off the nebulizer for Keaton, put him back to bed for his nap (another wet spot…sigh)

K asks me to refill his sippy cup.

Yeh.

Right.

I grab the fingernail clippers and start clipping/cleaning B’s fingernails.

I change his diaper.

Put him back to bed.

Deep.

Breath.

I walk to the kitchen to get a glass of sweet tea. I pass Caedmon who is passed out in the swing.

He giggles.

And poops in his diaper.

Please. Keep it all in the diaper. Please.

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3 responses »

  1. So I read this the first time but wanted to read it again for good laughs. Then I read it again to my mom. Hilarious.

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